Here is my usual round up of new films seen at home this month, starting with Amazon Prime:
The Bluff
Priyanka Chopra stars as Ercell Bodden, a former 19th Century pirate who must protect her family when her past catches up with her. I thought that the increasingly awful Pirates of the Caribbean movies had killed off swashbucklers, but The Bluff is a little better than that franchise, if barely more believable. It is burdened with some woeful CGI and an unconvincing villain, played by Karl Urban.
Rating: 4 out of 10
Mercy
In 2029 Los Angeles, Detective Chris Raven (Chris Pratt) stands on trial accused of murdering his wife. He has 90 minutes to prove his innocence to the advanced AI judge he once championed, before it determines his fate. This was a box office bomb only a few weeks ago, and whilst it may work better at home, it is still very poor. It reminded me of the vastly superior Missing and Searching but with AI running the show, there is no ingenuity needed to discover the truth. The action sequences felt like a video game and it was all quite tiresome. Rebecca Ferguson is usually terrific but she has a thankless part here as the judge.
Rating: 4.5 out of 10
Man on the Run
Morgan Neville’s documentary focuses on Paul McCartney’s career during his time in Wings and through the 1970’s. With so much material about The Beatles, it is refreshing to see about another time period, esoecially as it is underrated. It is composed of archive film, photos and audio recordings of McCartney and his late wife, Linda, his children and friends/colleagues. It is very skilfully put together, presenting a linear narrative, and does not shy away from highlighting his missteps. It also has some great clips of live performances.
Rating: 7.5 out of 10
World Breaker
Five after a tear in the fabric of the earth brought forth creatures from an alternate dimension bent on our destruction. A father hides his daughter on an island to keep her safe. This is a grim and frankly tedious plod through a familiar plot. Milla Jovovich is a decent enough actress who invariably chooses bad projects. Luke Evans who plays her husband is plain awful.
Rating: 2.5 out of 10
Melania
Just weeks after its disastrous UK cinema run with near empty screenings reported nationwide, this ‘documentary’ finds its natural home. There was no way I was going to pay to watch a film directed by a sex offender about the vacuous wife of one of the most evil and corrupt men in history, so I have waited until now to have a peek. Even in the worst films, there may be a small redeeming feature but Melania takes being bad to a whole new level. For starters, it is mind numbingly boring, especially as she makes preparations for the inauguration.
The worst scenes, though, are when she feigns interest in the suffering of children whilst standing next to a man who gets his kicks from locking up five year olds and bombing schools in Iran. Her lies and patronising tone made me want to vomit. And yes, her horrific husband pops up now and again to demonstrate his immense charm and intellect. It is an insult to other film makers who work hard producing a factual movie to call this a documentary. It is a 100 minute campaign video for the most venal administration in American history.
Rating: 0 out of 10
On Netflix:
The Orphans
Two childhood friends, Gabriel and Driss, must overcome their differences when their old flame dies in a suspicious car accident and her teenage daughter seeks revenge. Director Olivier Shneider made his name as a stunt co-ordinator and he knows how to marshal an action set piece but struggles with the more dramatic moments. Also, Alban Lenoir and Dali Benssalah are very bland in the lead roles.
Rating: 3.5 out of 10
Peaky Blinders: The Immortal Man
In 1940, Nazi agent Beckett (Tim Roth) enlists new Peaky Blinders chief Duke Shelby (Barry Keoghan) to help flood the UK economy with fake bank notes. Duke’s reclusive father Tommy (Cillian Murphy) reluctantly returns to Birmingham to save his errant son. I have never seen an episode of the TV show, but I also had not seen Spooks, Baywatch, or The Fall Guy and I enjoyed those movies. The story at the core of this is pretty good, with the three leads, particularly Roth, doing sterling work. Sophie Rundle as Tommy’s sister was impressive but she is killed off far too soon. However, the main story is surrounded by another plot about Tommy’s history that I found frankly boring. For the second time this month, Rebecca Ferguson has a terribly written part as the sister of Tommy’s ex.
Rating: 5.5 out of 10
War Machine
Alan Ritchson has yet to replicate his Jack Reacher success in movies. In this film, he plays a special-ops officer who fails to save his brother after they are ambushed by the enemy. They always planned to try out for The Rangers, so in tribute, he applies. He makes it through to the final few, but on their last training exercise before graduating, his group encounters an alien threat.
That middle section of this violent action movie is by far the best. There are a series of set pieces that are well staged by director Patrick Hughes. The effects are decent for a streaming film and Ritchson is perfect for the role, though it has to be said that if his hapless comrades are the best of the recruits, then it does not bode well for the regiment. However, before and after that exciting period, there is a lot of pro-America and their armed forces posturing mixed with macho nonsense. That feels particularly uncomfortable right now and Dennis Quaid plays a commanding officer with an expression of someone trying to complete a tricky bowel movement.
Rating: 5.5 out of 10
My Sister’s Bones can be bought or rented on the usual services.
Veteran war reporter Kate Rafter (Jenny Seagrove) is back to home after a horrific incident in Iraq and the death of her mother. While packing up her mother’s belongings she comes to believe there is something strange and terrifying happening in the house next door. This is based on a best selling book by Nuala Ellwood though a lot must have been cut out for the 81 minute run time. That does not stop it from feeling quite slow despite good work by Seagrove and Anna Friel as her flaky sister. Kate is additionally haunted by an event from her childhood, a plot device that has been over used in recent years. There is a big twist at the end that was too well signposted.
Rating: 5 out of 10
In Cinemas and On All 4, Molly vs the Machines is a documentary about the suicide of 14 year old Molly Russell.
This is a painful subject and Molly’s father comes across as a dignified man. But there is nothing here that was not covered in the news. Also, none of the social media tech bros who have created the environment that resulted in her suicide will ever face any consequences or stop allowing posting of offensive material. There are contributions from Molly’s friends who spend ages telling us how awful her treatment was but who all still use the same websites that she was abused on and that housed harmful material. It left me feeling that the situation was hopeless.
Rating: 6 out of 10
Movies 24 are already wheeling out 2026 Hallmark movies and it is a better than average start for the channel.
In Lost in Paradise, Sophia (Lacey Chabert) is the founder of a high-end fashion company who gets marooned on an deserted island with a chef, Max (Ian Harding) after their plane crashes. As they work together to survive, romance blossoms. It is interesting to see this so soon after the similarly themed but much nastier Send Help. It is a much fluffier affair. For example all of Sophia’s clothes and make up gets washed up, enabling her to look fabulous at all times! But, the banter between the pair works well and their performances rise above the material.
Caught by Love also features one of the better Hallmark actresses in Rachael Leigh Cook. She plays Annie, who, whilst holidaying at a Maltese resort, gets swept into an undercover investigation for stolen jewels that is being run by PI Jake (Luke Macfarlane). This has a nice mixture of mystery and romance, and Cook is charming.
Much more standard fayre can be found in A Melbourne Match. Georgie (Mallory Jansen), a travel writer, goes to Melbourne for an assignment where she meets Zach (Ryan Corr), an ex-Australian footballer who agrees to be her tour guide and shows her that there’s more to life than work. Jansen is pretty good, but the film is the usual Hallmark romance mixed with Australian stereotypes.
Finally for this batch is Missing the Boat. Strangers Kelly (Emilie Ullerup) and Parker (Kristoffer Polaha) meet on an Italian cruise. After missing the boat during a stop, they’re forced to team up and race across southern Italy to catch up. Plenty of promise with that set up and when they were actually scrabbling to get back to the ship, it was quite amusing but the story gets bogged down in too many subplots. Polaha is always engaging though.
Ratings out of 10:
Lost in Paradise: 6
Caught By Love: 6
A Melbourne Match: 4
Missing the Boat: 5